A Walk In The Woods

Faerie Springs, Soothing Greens

(Click on any picture for a larger view...)

I went for a walk at Monte Bello Open Space Preserve this past weekend. I really needed it, and I really enjoyed the exercise and the clear air. This is a great time of year to go out for a walk. Warm enough, and still lots of green and flowing water.



I was up there early enough to delight in the lingering mists, fog, and clouds hanging in the valleys.




I stumbled across a very beautiful stream that popped up out of the ground and then would dive back down, over and over, along the route. Lots of little waterfalls and beautiful moss-covered rocks and trees.

There was so much to see and enjoy.










I was reminded of the lore of old Europe, where every spring, well, pond, or lake was watched over by a spirit - one of the Fairie Folk, or one of the Sidhe, depending on your semantics.












As I passed by these upwellings and falls, I enjoyed communing and communicating with these delicate places and loving care-takers. I received many gifts on this walk, including a really healthy amount of exercise!

I found beautiful moss covering rocks, nooks, crannies... Strange rocks, actually, that looked like they were agglomerations ovoids - like clams, kind of - and mini stalagmites and stalactites. Quite unexpected.

I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I enjoyed the walk. Welcome, Springtime!

Anger...it's all the rage, don't you know!

From the Mouths of Babes...

Last Thursday we got together for the first Healing Perspectives seminar, HP1: Love, Anger, and Other Clinical Conditions at Firefly Willows. It was a fun and interesting evening. I had planned to talk in roughly equal measure about Love, Grace, Gratitude (on the plus side) and Anger, Conflict, and Judgment (on the neg side).

Leading up to the seminar, I had the luxury (!) of experiencing a boatload of anger. Lots and lots of anger, primarily as a result of ongoing...(blood begins to boil just preparing to write these words)...PROBLEMS...with my home Internet connection (cough...AT&T DSL SUCKS...cough).

How timely. How nice of the Universe to accommodate.

In my younger days, I was well acquainted with anger - rage, even. But as I moved down the shamanic path, that fury seemed to have disappear almost entirely. Even my kids will tell you that I've "peaced out".

So it was quite a surprise to encounter that old feeling of fury and rage, and witness myself cussing and uncontrollably stomping around the house, pounding on tables and screaming at the top of my lungs. (My dogs didn't like it. They're not old enough to have seen me like this. Poor things.)

But, in truth, it was timely. And very illuminating. It compelled me to look very carefully at anger. What was it, really? What did it feel like? From where did it arise? WHY? And why was it so uncontrollable?

The self-exam was very revealing.

I started with a common assumption. "Anger is natural, and should be expressed."

If so, it must have a purpose - not some psycho-babble purpose, but a real evolutionary one.

So I thought, OK, so where does anger first appear?

In babies!

That struck me as a very powerful realization. If it appears in babies, it doesn't have some cultural trigger. It's something much simpler.

Why do babies get angry? Because they aren't getting what they want.

A simple statement that, when plumbed, is quite revealing.

What do babies want? First and foremost, they want their needs met.

Before they have any notion of self, or other, or separation, or toys or happy or sad or right or wrong or self-actualization, they just want their needs met.

So why get angry? Anger doesn't seem very productive on its face. It doesn't "do" anything, really.

And then, the old lesson from acting class. "Anger is a cheap emotion. Its cheap because it's secondary. The real emotion is the one you feel before you feel anger. That's the one you have to show in the scene."

We feel anger AFTER we've felt something else. Something else that we really don't like feeling.

I asked the class to reflect on a recent moment of intense anger, and to try to remember and relive it. I asked them, "What did you feel immediately before you felt the anger?"

"Betrayal."
"Frustration."
"Lack of control."

and then,

"Helplessness."

BINGO!

What babies feel, at the root, is helpless. When they want/need something, and can't get it, they're effectively helpless. Nature gave babies a very significant tool to be less helpless. An attention-getting device we call Anger.

Looking back at my own recent experience with anger, it was ALL about helplessness. Hours and hours spent trying (and failing) to have a "need" met.

We talked for quite some time about the consequences of anger in the seminar, but what really struck me (and continues to bear on me even now) is how simple anger is. When used as designed, it's an attention-getting device for when we feel helpless.

One thing I recognized is how deep, deep, deeply I don't like feeling helpless. Oh, it's horrifying. Rightly so. Next to pain, it's the earliest kind of suffering we experience. And since it's formless (there's no localized "place" for helplessness like there is for an "Owie"), it can seem bottomless.

Nobody wants to stay there.

So we switch to anger quite quickly. But if, when seen properly, anger is just this "attention-getting device", we'd be wise to ask some questions pretty quickly, like:

• Whose attention am I trying to get?
• Who has leverage over this situation?
• Who can meet my needs so I don't feel helpless?

One conclusion I came to is that for a lot of these, the answer was "Myself". In many cases, while I wasn't the ONLY one who could "fix" the need (see AT&T), often I was the most well-positioned (see "call COMCAST").

Why rail around in anger so I don't feel helpless, when an alternative is to fix what's missing so I don't feel need? That's like treating the symptom instead of the cause!

Like babies, though, we often want others to do the work of meeting our needs, eh?

The other thing I realized is that anger can be likened to an addiction. If anger is designed by nature to remove a feeling of helpless, then ... it is easily (mis-) correlated to making us feel POWERFUL.

Power, especially unrecognized, immaturely exercised power, can become a serious addiction. I think we often express anger quickly because its a way for us to feel powerful, even when the "attention-getting-device" function has served its purpose (or isn't even relevant).

I continue to unravel the lessons I received from this recent joust with anger.

And it turns out that we spent quite a bit of time on anger during the seminar. It was the emotion that the folks in attendance were most interested in understanding. So it really was good timing.

Thanks for the timely lesson, Spirit.
(I guess.)

Authenticity Rising Part II: The Gift

Ashes, and the Phoenix


My previous post on Authenticity spoke to the shifts in our personal lives that I am seeing in 2011, as we are compelled to discard our illusions and live authentically. When I collect these shifts and experiences and look upon them through the lens of culture, I think I'm seeing some powerful effects.

When a fire is burning, it can sustain itself, or get bigger, only with the addition of more fuel, more wood. It can be hot and bright, and we can revel in the heat and the light.

But when the wood becomes scarce, the fire begins to dim. The center is still the hottest place. The edges cool first. And finally, when there is no more wood, the fire begins to burn itself out.

So it is with our unsustainable way of being.

The fire is beginning to dim. We have seen this occurring at the edges. Millions of jobs of this economy have vanished. They are not coming back. They were part of an unsustainable way of living. There is not enough "wood" left to harvest, to rebuild this unsustainable fire.

At first, we all scramble to be closer to the fire. We scramble to once again revel in it. But soon we realize that the only way we can do that is to scratch and struggle to hold on to a position that is itself receding into the center of the fire.

We've seen over the past several decades what has been called "the hollowing out of the middle class". It's not a consequence of poor economic policy or bad governance. It is the harvest of our scratching and struggling. It is the inevitable consequence of our unsustainable way of living.

Those of us who have means - those who are "powerful" in this economy - ultimately use our struggling neighbors as a kind of fuel. Some corporations are using these very people, those of us who are struggling, as wood for the fire. And many of us, not seeing an alternative, are volunteering. Volunteering, in desperation, to be consumed.

Painfully funny and sad how we are called "consumers". How things have changed.

Many of us with means are attempting to "hold on to what we have" out of fear of what is coming. We build a kind of fortress against the millions of our peers who we see struggling beside us, scraping and grabbing for the very resources we hope to use to keep our own (unsustainable) fires burning. Gated communities. Isolation. Willful dismissal of the needy. The rape and pillage of dictators gorging on national wealth.

No matter. The fire that burns unsustainably will consume itself everywhere, whether it is the central core or an ember off to the side. With no intervention, no redistribution of wealth or resources by revolution or government, all by itself. There is no gated community that will not also turn to ash.

In the end, that which is unsustainable will cease to exist.

And I posit that this end is visible; we're living in it now.

We have two choices. We can struggle and fight and claw our way to the center of the fire for a few more years (maybe long enough for us to live and then die by the heat of the flame - but then, what of our children, and our children's children?). This is the world we are used to, getting more and more cruel, more and more cold, more and more dense with "us" versus "them". More and more exclusive.

Or, we can step away from the fire. We can join hands. We can look around us, and contemplate our individual and collective gifts. We can see ourselves and every one of our peers as rich with gifts and talents. We can embrace one another. We can stop struggling and start caring for one another.

We can start giving and asking.

"Ask, and ye shall receive." "Give and it shall be given unto you." This is Jesus at his most subtle. He's not talking about God doing all this by magic. He's talking about all of us, being humble enough to do it for one another.

All we have to do is start.

The sooner we start, the easier the transition will be - the less suffering will occur as the fire burns itself out. The more of us participate, the fewer of us will be consumed in the fire.

When the struggle to be near the fire has burned enough of one away, when one has suffered through the pain required to live an inauthentic, unsustainable life, perhaps this path becomes clearer (it seems to have worked that way for me, and I'm still trying to see it).

Perhaps it will not become clearer at all, and yet, if the pain of the old way becomes so great, one may have no choice but to walk away in a desperate search for something else.

I invite and encourage every one to try this alternative way. You won't be alone. Try to simply care, love, and ask. Stop struggling for what you think you want, and consider what you need. Let go of what is false, what is illusion, what is causing you pain. Consider what those around you need, and what gifts you have to give. Start giving and sharing. Care enough to reach out.

Be humble enough to ask around for help -- for yourself and for others.

(When you are ready. I think it only works when you are ready.)

I believe this is how we will build the new economy. This is how we will build a new form of community. Simply caring for one another, rather than living in fear.

This is the Gift of the Phoenix. It's right there. I can almost touch it.

Enough for now. Coming soon - Authenticity Rising Part III: The Emerging Gift Economy.

What Egypt Can Teach Us

Know Thyself

My friend and colleague HiC forwarded a link to T. Thorn Coyle's blog entry regarding what's going on in Egypt, and what we can learn from it.

Governance. Sovereignty. Order and opportunity. It all begins with the self. Self-mastery is not easy, but there is no more worthwhile endeavor.

Let's not waste the gift that the Egyptian people are offering us: An opportunity to embrace self-change and bring our best to the world. As we hold space for them and their aspirations, may we also hold space for one-another's, and our own.

And remember - the greatest gift you can give to the world is the gift of your own enlightenment.

2011: The Year of Living Authentically

Authenticity Rising, Everything Else Falls Away

I've noticed something so far in 2011. I think it actually started just after the Winter Solstice. I've noticed it in my own life, but also in those around me.

For many people, the parts of ourselves and our lives that are not "Authentic" are falling away. For example, I see it in our career and job-hunting struggles. A conversation I've witnessed many times lately:

"I got laid off, and I can't find another job."

"Are you looking?"

"Yes."

"What do you want to do?"

"Well, I dunno. I really don't want to go back to what I was doing before..."

And no job appears. No job is going to appear, either. Because the work is not in sufficient alignment with this hypothetical person's highest purpose.

It's no longer a matter of "making money" - those kinds of jobs are both unavailable and unbearable. The economy is shifting underneath us, driving us (now, ever more ruthlessly) to our true purpose. We struggle (and have been, for some time now) to work at jobs that contribute to the illusions in our lives. We can no longer bear to feed those illusions. Our whole culture is desperate. But we're not desperate for a job - we're desperate for meaning, for wholeness, and for our personal truth. The whole economy is convulsing - wretching - from an overdose of illusion. The jobs we are looking for are jobs that feed the illusion. And the illusion is no longer sustainable.

This is the year many of us will have no choice but to drop our illusions. I sense that our illusions will be vomited out, purged, and, if necessary, violently wrenched from our lives.

All around me, I see this in the realm of relationships as well. The ability to stay in a relationship that is not authentic is quickly becoming unbearable. Wherever and whatever we have hidden from our lovers, family, or business partners, wherever we have allowed them to hide from us, wherever the real truth of who we are, what we REALLY want, and what we're willing (or unwilling) to give has been purposely (consciously or unconsciously) hidden, wherever there is this subtle form of deceit - that is becoming unbearable.

We have really only two courses of action here. We can continue to live in an illusion as it becomes more and more painful, leading to the unavoidable destruction of the relationship. Or we can stop reinforcing the illusion, and begin the hard, embarrassing, and painful work of telling the truth, while trying to avoid judgment. The relationship may still end, but there's a chance that it can transform into one based on authentic needs and honest, unapologetic service to those needs. But it will be irrevocably changed.

I am finding that the work of embracing authenticity is hard; devilishly subtle at times. And yet it's extremely rewarding. I've developed some techniques, some questions, that illuminate the illusions. They make me uncomfortable. They make me want to run away. Sometimes, they make me confused about what I really want and who I really am.

But staying with the discomfort and gutting it out is actually the least painful way to move. And it's the only way to move forward.

Website Seeks Passionate, Talented, Patient Lover...

Firefly Willows Website as Cinderella

We have been neglecting our website since our early operating days. It's time she received the attention, respect, and love she deserves.

Firefly Willows is a beautiful, amazing, and emerging place, filled with compassionate healers, exotic scents, and fascinating, interested people who are exploring the world with wonder in their eyes. Our website should reflect that adventure.

Firefly Willows wants to be a gift to our community of healers and seekers. It wants to be a home, a refuge, a sanctuary, and a garden. A safe place where we can all learn to shine our inner light. Our website should reflect that intention.

Are you the person who can bring our website to life? Can you help her bloom into the radiant creation she can be? Do you have the time, skill, and interest to love her enough?

Are you her artisan, her gardener, her lover?

If so, please contact us at info@fireflywillows.com

Personal Sovereignty Takes Root

I just bounced across a blog by my friend and colleague Cassandra Rae. Entitled Business Mind Serves Spirit Mind, it's a great glimpse of a passionate, spiritual person realizing the full portfolio of tools she has at her disposal to create the reality she's called to.

Personal sovereignty is, for me, the key to a full, unencumbered adult-hood. Choosing to be fully aware, awake, and responsible for all of my energy, all of my gifts, all of my destiny. I am still acquiring it and embracing it, and it feels great (and absolutely right).

I sense Cassandra reaching the same moment.

It's a delightful, powerful, enthusiastic read. Thanks, Cassandra!